Queen D

Oct 16

she was the heart in your heartbreak // {x}

……….

(Source: nowrunalong, via fuckyeahkissing)

humansofnewyork:

"I keep waiting until the day when I don’t have to work so hard to make it next month. But there’s no finish line."

:(
Oct 9

humansofnewyork:

"I keep waiting until the day when I don’t have to work so hard to make it next month. But there’s no finish line."

:(

Oct 9

(Source: fashiion-gone-rouge)

Oct 9

My future kids…..cutie pies realnesss

About 5 years ago, I was this girl with big dreams and a cut-throat attitude. I vowed to never settle for the less and always be this overachiever person.

Fast forward to 2014.

I am a person who settles for the reality. I settle for an ok job. I setlle with a decent person. I setlle with lots kind of fear. Over the past 5 years, I’ve experienced A LOT of things. Dissapointments, lost, depression, deep sadness, and loneliness. I became a negative person who is probably mentally unstable.

One night in 2013, I felt so alone, I cried for 2 hours and screamed for another hour. Also in 2013, my friend lied to me and I discovered it while we were eating pizza in a restaurant. I was extremely furious with him, I ended up slapping and screaming at him. In a public place. It was humilliating.

I feel like nobody truly understands me.

Some people told me that they love me and they want to be with me, but they didn’t really do anything. All their speech about this grand idea about love is no more than nice words. What is love anyway? I don’t feel love. I feel alone. I feel like I’ve always try to please others and try to be there for others, but those people didn’t do the same. They say they are there for me, but they are not.

I have had enough of sweet words. I have had enough of empty promises. I need actions. I need proof in flesh and bones. I don’t need a sweet halucinations, because I have fantasized enough for so many years. I’m tired. I’m so tired of hoping. I’m so tired of being happily halucinating. I’m so tired of crying myself out for days and nights during those years. I was lonely and I’m scared.

I am not strong. I just diagnosed with an incurable disease and I don’t know how long I have left in this world. I have so little time with my family and friends. I have so little time to have my own child. I have so little time to actually being loved. I am scared. I just want to curl up somewhere, I don’t want to talk about anything, I just want to be hugged, to be understood that I am not a super human.

I need someone who is physically present. I don’t need idea, I don’t need fantasy. I don’t want to be alone. Perhaps, others will think that I am settling with cheaper more easier kind of love or life or whatever it is. So what? Others don’t feel what I feel. Others don’t understand what I’ve been through. Others didn’t see how I wept, bleed, bruised, and beaten throughout those years. They simply don’t know how I yearned true companionship. What is so wrong with wanting to be with someone? What is so wrong with wanting a security and peaceful life?

Oct 7
God Works In A Mysterious Way

Dear God

Give me the strength to always face a day with a smile. The strength to endure pain, suffering, heartbreak, misery, and disappointment quietly and with a lot of dignity. The strength to accept harsh reality. The strength to believe that Your plans are better than mine. The strength to love people in a sincere way, even when I can’t be with them or is not destined to be with them. The strength to love myself as I am; imperfect hair, body with flabs and cellulite, petite frame, etc.

I just want to be a kind, gentle person. The kind of person that is warm and comfortable to be around with. I want to do more good things with my life and help as much people as I can possibly do. To be closer to You. To be grateful for all blessings even when they’re in disguise.

Amen.

Sep 13
Sep 11

(Source: fashiion-gone-rouge)

"I hope you fall in love with someone who never lets you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted."

-

Unknown (via h0lycake)

this is very important

(via errrinvia)

Indeed.

(Source: slugly, via verygudnice)

Sep 11
I love Andreea
Sep 11

I love Andreea

(Source: strongmodelfaces, via verygudnice)

It’s midnight and I can’t sleep. I have work in the morning and all I can feel right now is my heart beats so fast, it almost hurt. I’m not being dramatic.

So many things burst in my head, I can’t help but feeling anxious. Suddenly my mind is filled with a lot of negative things and every time I try to close my eyes, I feel like I can’t breathe.

What’s happening to me? Why am I being like this?

Sep 9
Honey, I Can’t Sleep